“The most important thing is to set and achieve goals and realize your dreams”
For the International Autism Awareness Day, we are presenting the “Not Invisible and Unbreakable. Stories about the lives and challenges of Ukrainian autistic children during the war” project. With the information support of INVAK.INFO, we are telling the stories of 12 families who have learned to live on after the tragic day of February 24, 2022. The families share their experiences and feelings, secrets of overcoming difficulties in Ukraine and abroad, and each family is united with an irrefutable belief in the soonest and most long-awaited Victory.
Kyrylo Korzh, a 15-year-old autistic teenager from Berdiansk creates computer games. Kyrylo’s family has survived the occupation, the death of loved ones, and a relocation to Germany, and is still struggling to find their way through life away from home.
February 24, 2022
“We were woken up from bed by a terrible noise and a shockwave. We were all very scared, but we immediately ran to the TV to find out what was going on. At that time, there was a second, even bigger and louder explosion. We ran to the bathroom. My husband ran outside to see what was happening when the third explosion occurred. Kyrylo and I sat in the bathroom and were silent. Because of the fear of explosions, my son began to have progressive encopresis and daytime enuresis. Any loud explosions – and he sat on the toilet. During the month of occupation of our native Berdiansk, my child and I lost 5 kg each.
Together with my husband, we arranged a bomb shelter in the basement of our house. My son was very afraid of the basement and never went there, so we had to prepare everything. We set up chairs, laid down futons, and covered the walls with waterproofing. We brought home photos, important documents, warm clothes, shoes, hats and motorcycle helmets, medicines, toys, a shovel, and a battery with chargers. And on February 27th, when Russian tanks were driving down our street with their guns pointed at the houses, my son and I were already in the basement. We even had to set up a toilet with cat litter just in case,” recalls Olena.
After the destruction of the gas pipeline, the city stopped supplying heat. It was very cold outside, minus 13C for two weeks. The house was frozen, and the tiles were falling off the ceiling. The father of the family cleaned out an old coal stove that had once been laid in and used as a cabinet for things. This saved not only the Korzh family from the cold, but also the neighbors who came to the basement to warm up and cook something to eat on the stove. But even though the stove was burning well, they could not get warm. And after a few days of occupation, the city ran out of food and bread, the Internet was almost inaccessible.
However, more than domestic troubles, the family was worried about Kyrylo’s psychophysical state, which was regressing every day. So the family had to invent computer game mechanics for their life:
“Until the explosions were heard, my son would be online all the time, programming games. We didn’t bother him. And when the alarm started, we would rush to the basement, sometimes for an hour, and sometimes for half a day. I baked bread in the oven with homemade yeast (we had no other yeast) and cookies for my son. Unfortunately, Kyrylo’s encopresis and enuresis got worse. We could not control it. And we overcame the disorders of the psycho-emotional state with the help of games and programming. During the computer lessons, Kyrylo was not as focused on the war, and his fears temporarily receded. For Kyrylo, the basement, the sirens, the shelter, the tanks outside the window, and the unusual food all turned into a quest. At least, that’s how we tried to play the situation. But on the physical level, it was extremely difficult,” says Olena.
However, at the end of March, the family could no longer stand the occupation and decided to try to escape the city:
“The road was long. We were traveling in a group – five mothers and five children. Everyone was traveling in diapers. However, we made it to Zaporizhzhia. Then to Lviv. Then each family chose its way to European countries. Kyrylo and I went to Germany.”
2025
Kyrylo is now 15 years old and has been living in Germany with his mother for three years. According to Olena, the first year and a half of living abroad was extremely difficult. The family was constantly waiting for the war to end and for them to return home, feeling lonely and misunderstood by others, language barriers, everyday problems, and adaptation to a completely different mental environment:
“My son and I went through terrible times: betrayal in the family, humiliation, violence, a dog attack, a refugee camp, living in a container, death of loved ones, nervous breakdowns, irresponsibility and complete alienation. At the same time, we were preparing all the necessary documents, but my psyche did not accept reality. I felt what my autistic son feels when all the inscriptions are in an incomprehensible language, when other people do not understand you when you want to speak, and only vowel sounds freeze in your mouth. I had to use a system of gestures and pictures. Now I know that immersion in oneself and one’s experiences postpones a person’s adaptation and integration into a new society, but back then we couldn’t do anything else, because Kyrylo had completely stopped perceiving other people. His stims intensified, he was always jumping and waving his hands, shaking his head.”
The family lived in constant expectation of the end of the war and alienation for about a year. Kyrylo’s adaptation to the new environment was extremely difficult. He developed nervous tics and neurodermatitis, increased autostimulation, vocalizations and anxiety, and had problems with eating, as it was very difficult for him to get used to new food, tastes and textures. The boy slept with his mother all the time. At the social and domestic levels, the boy’s rejection of the German language and people of other nationalities, especially Arab and African cultures, was evident. According to Olena, the family found themselves at the beginning of the autistic journey with a complete reset of skills and abilities, experience and knowledge acquired during their lives.
A year and a half later, the family received a social apartment in the city, and life gradually began to improve.
“We stopped waiting to return home, because we gave up on the possibility of doing so any time soon. My son stopped packing his toys in his suitcase every day, and I gradually began to think of new ways to fill our lives. Sometimes he talks about returning to his native Berdiansk, but it sounds very uncertain and rare. Now Kyrylo is studying at a German specialized school in the 8th grade. In the afternoon, he is studying at a Ukrainian school individually. In other words, it’s a full-fledged day. On weekends, we go to the swimming pool to relax, and then go to a pizzeria. We also travel a lot – it helps to expand our life experience and enjoy life. At first, we missed the rehabilitation devices, sensory things and other equipment that Kyrylo used at home. But over the past three years, we have slowly collected everything. We bought little things similar to the ones we had at home, and built up a full range of physical rehabilitation devices and various exercise machines. They are our treasures acquired in Germany.”
According to Olena, the German education and attitude to learning are significantly different from Ukrainian schools. The European approach and experience helped Kyrylo overcome the difficulties of adaptation. In particular, his school assistant quickly found the right approach. The boy studies well, and most importantly he found friends with whom he communicates at school and chats outside of it. Kyrylo is also respected and praised for his abilities by teachers and classmates. This is a very welcome change from his classmates back in Ukraine who used to insult him. Kyrylo continues to do his favorite thing – developing computer games, which he now shows to his German friends. But despite his significant success, he is still afraid of airplanes flying over the city – there are many of them and they are loud. There are also fighter jets flying overhead. Sometimes, fire sirens scream. And he still can’t get warm…”
Olena and Kyrylo communicate with other families that are raising autistic children and were also forced to leave their homeland due to the war. This connection is very valuable for the family, because people with the same experience can better understand, support and inspire each other.
“Once, during a German class, I saw a man who ran out of the classroom in tears and screaming that he could no longer learn the language, memorize words, or speak it. He was scolding himself for his inability and incapacity to master new knowledge. At the time, I thought he was strange, but a few weeks later I had a nervous breakdown for the same reason. I was supposed to learn German, but I couldn’t perceive the language physically. In an unfamiliar linguistic environment, I felt abandoned, helpless, and completely stupid. However, I decided that my life, although destroyed, was still mine, and it was up to me to decide what it would be like. So I applied to a master’s program for online education and this year I received a master’s degree in social work and psychology. I know many families who have been helped not to go crazy by a hobby or job in another country. In general, support and finding new friends help a lot. A circle of new friends grows from one acquaintance. At first it is very difficult, but later we all begin to live our own lives in a foreign land, perhaps a new one, but still our lives.”
