“As long as our parents and friends are alive, as long as the memories of our past are still in our hearts, we must go on, despite anything.”
For the International Autism Awareness Day, we are presenting the “Not Invisible and Unbreakable. Stories about the lives and challenges of Ukrainian autistic children during the war” project. With the information support of INVAK.INFO, we are telling the stories of 12 families who have learned to live on after the tragic day of February 24, 2022. The families share their experiences and feelings, secrets of overcoming difficulties in Ukraine and abroad, and each family is united with an irrefutable belief in the soonest and most long-awaited Victory.
Misha Sergiyenko, an 18-year-old autistic boy from Kyiv. Thanks to Misha, his mother founded the NGO “Child with Future” back in 2009 to help Ukrainian families raising children with ASD and facing the same problems as Misha’s family. The lad’s family went through all the sufferings of war: separation, goodbyes, and hopelessness over the three years of the full-scale conflict. Still, the family keeps encouraging one another toward the eagerly awaited Victory.
February 24, 2022
Thanks to a nighttime call from a friend who lived near Boryspil and told them about the first attacks, the family knew that the terrible war had started and divided their life into “before” and “after.”
“We heard the gunshots close to the house and all the activity at the Gostomel airfield. Though we were shocked and perplexed, I cannot comment about Misha. He seemed to be quite concentrated. Not knowing whether we should leave or not, or if so, where precisely, my son and our eldest daughter Iryna started packing and we too were running around the house with our bags. However, my seriously ill mother was in a bedridden state, and we could not transport her. The situation on the roads that terrible morning was unclear and complicated. So we all decided to wait a bit and see what would happen next. The children went down to the basement of our house and set up the room with mattresses. My husband and I began to solve urgent problems with my mother’s care and food distribution. We had some supplies at home, but we had to save dairy products. On top of that, in the early days of the war, Iryna, who is the director of the “Child with Future” NGO, and I were constantly contacted by people, families raising autistic children, for help with settling abroad. That’s how the Ukraine Autism Help group appeared on Facebook, which helped people find shelter, experts, kindergartens or schools, communication, and any support abroad,” recalls Misha’s mother, Inna Sergiyenko, founder of the ‘Child with Future’ NGO and consul of Autism Europe.
Time passed steadily, the horrors of the war did not end, and the shots were getting louder. According to Inna, the family learned to distinguish between the shots of the Ukrainian Armed Forces and enemy arrivals by the sounds, because the house was located in a combat zone where Grad rockets were constantly firing. Under the circumstances, everyone’s psycho-emotional state deteriorated significantly, and we can’t even talk about a teenager who is autistic. Misha’s mother recalls:
“One night, we experienced an indescribable wild horror when we heard shots from an automatic weapon. It meant just one thing: there was someone near our house, and for us, it was scarier than all the rockets combined. It was then that we decided to evacuate the children. Rabbi Yonatan Binyamin Markovich, who was transporting humanitarian aid at the time, helped us a lot, and he took my children abroad to the UK. Misha was completely confused, in a terrible emotional state, barely understanding what was happening around him. But thanks to Iryna, who not only had to play the usual role of an older sister but also became a mother and a rehabilitation therapist, my son managed to survive. Her attitude and inner strength allowed her to make tremendous progress – Misha became more independent and responsible, learned to buy groceries in the store, and use trains to get to the right place. This evacuation and adaptation in a new country was not easy for either of them, because when we saw our children off, we did not know if we would ever see each other again, so we said goodbye forever.”
2025
Today, Misha Sergiyenko is graduating from the best science college in the UK, where talented children from all over the world study. The first year of preparatory studies was very stressful and difficult for the young man because of the uncertainty and lack of knowledge of what to expect next. For autistic people, this state of blurred future and lack of a clear plan is very painful. In the beginning of his studies, Misha had to adapt to the British education system, which is significantly different from the Ukrainian one. For example, to pass a test, you need to use certain terminology, otherwise, the points will not be counted. So he had to study a lot at first.
But he succeeded! Misha is a persistent student, has friends, and enjoys joining peer groups, which is very important to him. He is interested in psychology, enjoys reading, watching various science films, crafts, long walks, and playing chess. He has now received two invitations from UK universities to continue his studies – he just needs to pass the exams. He dreams of studying neuroscience and is glad that it will be abroad. In his opinion, the quality of education and the level of equipment of laboratories or workshops in British schools is unfortunately much higher than in Ukrainian universities.
It’s not easy for the young fellow: although he is studying with “excellent” grades, the requirements and workload are very high, the rules are strict, and the expectations from each student are very high. That’s why Misha had meltdowns, anxiety, and hypersensitivity to sounds. Once, there was a meltdown at the college due to the loud sound of a fire siren. The parents tried to help their son in any way they could, were in touch all the time, and accompanied Misha on the phone, while the teachers gave him tea and calmed him down.
This scientific college has a huge advantage because gifted children study here, some of whom have special educational needs, so Misha receives proper quality support – the institution is well aware of autism and has an inclusion specialist on staff.
But despite the absence of life-threatening situations and relative stability, Misha’s health is far from perfect. He has developed many psychosomatic disorders – nightmares, chronic fatigue, and obsessive negative thoughts. His parents were forced to consult a doctor, who prescribed antidepressants for their son to take regularly. Misha also remembers how in the early days of the war, the family had to save food, and even when he and his sister were living abroad, he still saved food and worried about spending too much money. So Misha worked with a psychologist to get rid of these fears. At the beginning of the war, the young guy hoped that it would end soon. And now, being far from home, in England, he has lost hope for its soonest end…
But the family is united and supports each other, helping to overcome each other’s anxieties and inspiring others:
“Once I came to visit my children in the UK. Iryna and I went to the theater. We watched a wonderful ABBA musical, which inspired us with songs and memories of our past peaceful life. I came out of the building and heard the band’s songs somewhere nearby, and I felt happy. You know, it was a very strange feeling, because I realized that my husband is now in Ukraine under fire, and I am here, next to my children, and it was an overwhelming happiness. Happiness through tears, when you understand everything about everything, but this moment, in this place, in the arms of your child, is real life. That is why we must live despite everything, not put life off for later, not wait, do something new, go to theaters, work, and help the Armed Forces. Because every moment is worth a lifetime,” Inna Sergiyenko admits.
