“In times of war, it is important to be understood, even if you cannot speak”
For the International Autism Awareness Day, we are presenting the “Not Invisible and Unbreakable. Stories about the lives and challenges of Ukrainian autistic children during the war” project. With the information support of INVAK.INFO, we are telling the stories of 12 families who have learned to live on after the tragic day of February 24, 2022. The families share their experiences and feelings, secrets of overcoming difficulties in Ukraine and abroad, and each family is united with an irrefutable belief in the soonest and most long-awaited Victory.
Ihor Zinkivskiy – a 20-year-old handsome and athletic young man from Vinnytsia. During the three years of the terrible war, the Zinkivsky family went through all the possible challenges faced by families with autistic children. It is not only about fear for the life and safety of their relatives. It is also about the difficulty of overcoming the consequences of a tragedy for a person who does not understand what is happening around them. But despite the circumstances and fear, the close-knit family continues to live and be grateful for every minute, help others and support the Armed Forces of Ukraine.
February 24, 2022
The family, like most Ukrainians, received the shocking news of the Russian full-scale invasion at home. It was impossible to comprehend the harsh reality, but Ihor’s parents immediately decided to move abroad until the war ended. The boy’s mother, Olesia, recalls her fear for her son’s future:
“Ihor did not understand at all what had happened and why we were so concerned. But I clearly realized this: if there is fighting in our city, no one will have a chance to escape. My son is already an adult, and it is impossible to take him to a bomb shelter by force. Moreover, he would perceive explosions and air raids not as something scary and threatening, but as fireworks. So his misunderstanding of the situation, the danger, and the fact that someone intentionally wanted to do harm could easily cost him his life.”
The decision to move was not an easy one, but it was the only right thing to do at the time. The Zinkivsky family is one of those who currently live abroad, but are firm on returning home after the Victory. That is why the family continues to work on projects of their NGO, which runs a system of supported living in Vinnytsia. According to Olesia, supported living is the only optimal option for a person with severe developmental disabilities. It allows them to live a full life independently of their family. However at present, this service is hardly supported by the state. It is underfunded, and the system of supported living as an approach to solving the problem of the future of people in need rests only on the shoulders of caring people. Still, the family is convinced that the time will certainly come when all their efforts will be crowned with success, and parents of children with disabilities will be confident that their children will have the necessary state care in adulthood.
2025
Despite the sudden unplanned changes in his life, environment, and language, Ihor gradually adapted to his temporary stay in Germany. According to his mother, it was a very difficult challenge, as their son is a non-verbal person with autism. The family needed all the strength, unity, love, knowledge and experience gained over the years of raising an autistic son and helping others to get through their journey without losing faith in their abilities and their child’s happy future. Olesia shares her impressions:
“You never know how a child’s health will react to changes. So, we faced a new serious challenge. A year after the start of the big war, our son developed epilepsy. At the moment, we don’t know whether Ihor had epilepsy for a long time, which we didn’t even know about, or whether it was the result of stress due to moving to another country and the difficult process of adaptation in a new place. So now we have a new task – find out the real cause of epileptic attacks, which is extremely difficult abroad.”
But despite his health deterioration, Ihor continues to study and attend a special school. Before the war in Ukraine, the young man went to a regular secondary school and studied in an inclusive class. Unfortunately, he was a few years late with his admission – only at the age of 11 was Ihor granted the right to enter a public school and exercise his right to education on an equal footing with other children. In Germany, the special school system is quite good. The main task of teachers is not so much to teach students academic skills as to maximize the child’s socialization. Also, German education provides for the availability of personal assistants for children who need them, as well as an extensive specialized transportation system (school buses). This makes it much easier for families of children with developmental disabilities to organize the educational process.
“For us, Ihor has been a book since birth, each page of which brings new challenges and discoveries. For example, we were pleasantly surprised that our son likes European medieval architecture. We are also amazed by his development and achievements in sports. He continues to swim and prove his championship, which he won at the Paralympics. He continues to perform amazing stunts on his bicycle, getting great pleasure from his rides. But the most important thing for him is to have his parents by his side. He very subtly feels our mood, anxiety, care or nervousness. So we try to do our best to make our child feel happy. Ihor’s father and I are working very hard to create a system of supported living in Ukraine so that our son does not end up in an orphanage.”
Olesia emphasizes that their family was among those who hoped that the war would end quickly. They would soon return home and continue to live their very familiar lives. For Ihor, life in Germany would be a short, unexpected vacation, and the horrors of war and the suffering of millions of Ukrainians would be a bad dream. Unfortunately, this did not happen, but we must go on living.
“It seems we will never be able to accept and come to terms with what is happening. It just doesn’t fit in the head of a healthy person. And all we can do is live and help the Armed Forces. Even if it’s small donations, weaving nets, making trench candles or small energy kits that you can make with your own hands. Any help is an important contribution to the Victory. And, of course, not to give up in the face of any challenges and to believe. It is faith that makes miracles happen and saves people where it seemed impossible to save them,” Olesya says.
